One
Wrong Decision
Dear
Diary, Cara
stared at the words with growing frustration, then anger. Why do I
have to resort to pouring out my feelings out on a mere scrap of
paper? Isn’t there anyone, anyone at all who cares and understands?
She clutched at her hair. I sure blew it way back when I was a kid,
but I didn’t know any better, did I? Or did I? She leaped up and
paced back and forth in front of the darkened window of the cheap
apartment building.
Dear
Diary, She
sat down and stared at the words once again, then picked up her pen.
Memories came flooding back. From her viewpoint the most precious
recollection of them all seemed to be enshrined in gold. I was so
happy that summer when I was nine. Les and Bonny cared for me like a
daughter. I know they cared even though I stressed them out many a
time with my wild ways. But I blew it. I blew it! I chose not to
stay, and every home since then has been worse in one way or another.
I never knew it would be such a rocky road if I took my own way, but
how can I ever get back to that peace and serenity I knew as a kid on
the farm?
She
pressed her fingers against her lips to keep them from trembling, but
the tears pooling in her eyes couldn’t be so easily stooped. I even
stooped to asking Les’ if they would take me in; let me find a job
in their community, but no, of course not. It was too late. They had
their own children to think about. They didn’t say so, but I knew
they thought I might be a bad influence on them. And it’s true. I
might.
She
viciously tore the tear stained paper out of the notebook, ripped it
in half, crumbled it, and tossed it on the floor. I’m not the same
girl I was then. In some ways I am even worse. And, yeah, their
children would be curious to know what I have gone through, and in a
weak moment, I would tell them…and relish it.
Oh
God what do I do about this longing in my breast, so dull and yet so
real? I want a different life. I want to find that light at the end
of the tunnel but there are so many boulders in the way. How will I
ever find it? She lay her head down on the desk and wept.
Come
unto me all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you
rest. Matthew11:28
If this sounds like you, remember there is HOPE. Reach out to God and he will reach out to you.
