Whisperings of Christmas (part 3)

My whole body sagged, and his look softened. “He will be a King, my child. We do not think less of you for having such hopes and aspirations. Your mother and I refuse to believe Hilde’s suspicions that you have been unfaithful to her son.”

My head lowered once again, and I felt my cheeks grow hot.  “I suspect you may be overwrought with all the excitement of your engagement.”

                    I was not used to Abba having much to say, therefore listened intently, yet sorrowfully. “Your mother has a relative whom we have not visited for a long time. Her name is Elsa Bet. Perhaps you remember her? She resides at Ain Karim near Yerushalayim with her aging husband who is a priest.”
    I nodded. Of course I remembered Elsa Bet. The angel had shared some very special news about her that I had told Imma but had not been brave enough to share with Abba. She was such a lovely lady, so elegant and gracious. I had been allowed to stay at their home for several weeks after Passover the year I was ten and had tried to imitate for weeks afterwards. It was her tall, stooped, gray-bearded husband who had taught me how to read and write.

   “Your Mother and I have decided that it might be best if you would visit them until all this excitement calms down.”

I came back to the present with a start.
   “Me? Alone? Oh Abba how could I?” I wailed and flung my arms around him. He gently rubbed my back.

   “What you have been saying has been causing too much of a stir, daughter. We do not want the-- the unthinkable to happen.”

   I leaned back to get a good look into his eyes. “The, the what?” A divorce.  “Oh.” My head sagged against his rough, homespun tunic.

   “Yosef agrees to wait until you come back to make a decision. “

    I do not think I heard much more of what he had to say. Even while my head reeled with the enormity of the decision; my heart sank like a stone. They are sending me away. Abba does not believe I am carrying the Christ Child; else he would not be doing this to me. I am to be sent away; to a far -away place. Is it not a five days journey? Why that is to the ends of the earth! Must I go alone? I will be so lonely—and frightened! I will need to sleep in the wilderness among strangers night after night! What if they are aloof or even unfriendly? What if burglars attack us? Haven’t there been more sightings of lions recently?

     I started to sob brokenly and Abba awkwardly turned me over to my mother. I was dimly aware that he had mumbled something about getting back to the shop but was crying too hard to pay much attention.

                 It seems like everything is going wrong in my life. Everything has been turned upside down. I have been feeling so nauseated and blue much of the time, and on top of that I will be bundled off to live with near strangers—in disgrace! I am sure it is Hilde’s doings. That must be what she was scheming with Imma about.

                 Will my beloved Yosef come to see me before I must depart?  Oh, I hope so! Dare I even call Yosef my beloved any more?  It is a relief that he does not lash out angrily at me, but I am anguished by his extreme shock, horror and disappointment.

                          I was so thrilled to become the mother of the Son of God, but that was because I didn’t see the future.  Oh, Yahweh, please forgive me for thinking such wicked thoughts.  I long to be the saintly woman the Anointed One deserves for a mother. The pain of Yosef’s disappointment is crushing me. Oh, Yosef, Yosef, Yosef, do you not realize I would never intentionally hurt you? I am so numb with grief at the thought of losing you, my precious one, that I can hardly function.

              Oh dear, this is such a long writing and I blotched it with tears!