Dreading the Future

21 Nisan

April 21

Dear Diary;

With tears in my eyes I must admit this has been a low time for me.  My feeling of dwelling in heavenly places has faded to a rather forlorn memory and I am not well! After scattering a few kernels of corn to our flock of chickens I crept behind the goat-shed to be sick. It did not relieve the queasiness much.

It is several days since the Shining One paid me a visit. Nay, it is already three weeks. I am feeling so ill. I thought I had been able to conceal my queasiness fairly well, but Imma has noticed me merely picking at my food for the last several days. Knowing my mother the way I do, I am not at all surprised that she was concerned. She shooed the little ones, Dorcas and Naomi, off to play and sent Hana on an errand. Then we had the heart to heart talk I had been longing for. She is just the kind of mother who takes to heart anything that affects the lives of her loved ones and wants to help them. At first Imma was amazed when I told her I was with Child by Ha Shem. Nay, astounded would be more the correct word. As I unfolded the narrative and she plied me with questions, her amazement turned to delight, then holy wonder.

“Oh Mary’am, Mary’am,” she breathed. “How is it that El Shaddai has considered our family worthy of such a high honor?”

I think she marveled more at the fact I had seen an angel than anything, at first, and questioned me much about how the Heavenly Being looked. Then she grew quiet and thoughtful as the reality of my condition began to sink in.

“The Mother of the Mashiach,” she murmured in a hushed voice. “Your father and I have sometimes discussed it, and in our longing hoped it would come in our generation. But to us! How can it be that Yahweh would choose us? And Nazareth is such a”—she gestured with her hands and shrugged; “poverty stricken, irreligious city.”

Yet you are a virgin even as Ha Shem commanded!” She fell silent and straightened the tassels on the prayer shawl she was embroidering with the star of David. When she looked up to meet my gaze, I saw that her gentle brown eyes were troubled.

“Oh Mary’am, we had never really considered the implications, before….”